So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
