Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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