She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
