what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
