so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
