found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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