i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
