My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
