so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
