Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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