one might say we're banned from that church
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who died my cat blue again?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
