dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
