no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
