he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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