I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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