This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize