everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
