i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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