I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
