So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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