I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
