i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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