We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
