I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
