Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The adults are the big ones right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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