Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
