I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
