Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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