In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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