you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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