does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
