Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
