The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize