the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
