Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
