At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
