Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
