Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
