If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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