if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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