Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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