I cockslap morals
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
