I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
