he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
