Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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