Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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