It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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