I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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