Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
