woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So vagazzling was a success
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize