we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
