When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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