he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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