Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
