I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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