Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
