Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
