whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
