so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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