well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
