my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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