end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
