I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
