YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
