Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
