conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
