Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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