Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
